Hallmark Hall of Fame
April 30, 1989
The scene is a living room. Bill is just down from anotherdrunk and Lois comes home from work and sees him peering out awindow. Hanging up her coat, she walks into the room and asks -
"Does it have anything to do withme...your drinking?" asks Lois.
"No, it's not you. It's me."
"Why? Why do you do it to yourself?" sheasks.
"I've been standing here all afternoonasking myself the same question. I look out the window and I watchall the normal people walking by and it's funny, I don't think I'veever felt really normal all my life, I mean like other people. I feeldifferent somehow, like I don't really measure up.
"Ever since I can remember, I've had thisfeeling deep down in my gut...scared. I see people laughing, at easewith each other. I'm on the outside looking in, afraid that I won'tbe accepted.
"And then overseas, I found that adrink...a few drinks...makes me feel comfortable, like I always wantto feel, gives me courage...to be with people, do things...todream.
"The money, the respect, the success...itwas all good for a while, but it never seems enough. I always wantdoubles of everything to make me alive, worthwhile inside. But thenit all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always so full offear...so I drink...more. And it makes me feel OK for a while. Iconvince myself that things will turn around tomorrow. Soon that I'llmake it all up to you, but it only gets worse.
"I...I keep promising you, others,myself..."That's it!" And I think I mean it, but the guilt and thedepression...I can't look in the mirror or at you...especially...especially at you.
"I've stopped believing in everything,people, God, myself. I know it sounds insane, Lois, but in spite ofall this, what I want right now more than anything else...isanother drink."
© 1989 by Warner Brothers